Dr. Marian Stansbury Divorce Mediation

What is divorce mediation?

Divorce mediation is the non-adversarial process of reaching a no-fault solution to your divorce.

You and your spouse will decide how you want to come apart in an amicable manner. The role of the mediator is to remain neutral, to facilitate effective communication and problem solving, and to keep a focus on what is relevant and what needs to be included to in your ‘Memorandum of Understanding’.

The Memorandum is the document which will be presented to the court and, once approved by the judge, will become your divorce decree.

Throughout the process, we strive to create an agreement that is fair and equitable.

What are the benefits?

Uncontested divorce through mediation offers clear advantages:

  • The process is completely voluntary.
  • It is a non-adversarial and legal form of conflict resolution, less expensive and less stressful than litigation.
  • You make your decisions and agreements, not the courts.
  • You reach a fair and equitable agreement on all the 20-25 issues that the courts require, based on your circumstances.
  • The process is private and confidential — it is not argued in public.
  • At the end of the process, you have a written and signed ‘Memorandum of Understanding’ that you can take to the court. In effect, you design your own divorce decree.

Is mediation right for us?

Couples typically seek mediation when:

  • Both agree to end the legal marriage.
  • One is seeking the divorce. The other may not be in favor of divorcing but accepts the relationship is over, as it only takes one person wanting out to end a marriage.
  • Both accept that the marriage needs to end, but are concerned about what is in the best interest of the children.

Mediation is not appropriate however, if there is a history of physical abuse; if there is a restraining order; when premarital agreements were made; or if either party has been a previous client of the mediator.

How does mediation work?

In each state, there are approximately 20 to 25 issues that must be agreed on between divorcing parties for the court to grant a divorce. As part of the mediation process, you will go through each of these required issues and reach agreement.

Of course, it is important to bring a willingness to listen to one another, to participate in discussions, and to have an open mind as to what is a fair division of the marital estate.

When agreement has been reached, your mediator will write a Memorandum of Understanding to be signed by each of the parties. This Memorandum forms the basis of the court agreement and your final divorce decree. You may or may not choose to have your attorney look over the Memorandum prior to taking it to court.

The end result of the process is a fair and equitable settlement that is in line with your current circumstances and in the best interest of any children, as well as each of the divorcing parties.

Dealing with emotional upset

It is common to experience feelings of doubt, disbelief, fear. anger, blame, resentment, jealousy, even grief or mourning. These emotional issues may extend to your family, friends, and your place of work. If you find yourself extremely emotionally upset, you may want to seek the assistance of a trained mental health professional.

Note that although I am a Connecticut-Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, I will not be acting in that capacity as your mediator. My role as mediator is to be a neutral party who can facilitate negations and agreements between two divorcing parties.

Moving forward...

There is a way to acceptance and transformation as you emerge into the self you want to become after divorce.

For further information, call:

  • Marian Stansbury, Ph.D.
  • 203-257-4113
  • Serving South Central Connecticut & South Eastern Florida

© Copyright 2015 Marian Stansbury, Ph.D. All rights reserved.